46 Revolutions.

This week I wanted to take a rest on the Map of Shaolin to talk about Ol' Dirty Bastard for a couple reasons.  First, were ODB still alive, he'd have turned 46 less than two weeks ago.  Second, he passed away 10 years ago the week before last.  Third, we're at the spot on the Map between studio albums (Masta Killa's No Said Date and U-God's Mr. Xcitement) in which ODB passed.  It's a weird coincidence to hit all these milestones at the same time, but it speaks to the essence of the man himself: he was always one of outside chances and beating the odds.  It's a damn shame he died, and it's a miracle the world had the chance to hear his superb third album, A Son Unique.  He overdosed while finishing up work on it in the studio, and in due time I'll review it for the Map, but for now I'd hoped to just share my thoughts.

Listen to his other albums and tell me he wasn't borne of the same weird machine that produced Dr. Gonzo's lawyer in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  As Hunter S. Thompson wrote, "One of God's own prototypes - never even considered for mass production.  Too rare to live, too weird to die."  Like a kid's crazy uncle, he was equal parts man, legend, spectacle and folk hero.  From cashing his welfare check on MTV to his lyrics - including "Nigga Please's" "I'm immune to all viruses / I like the cocaine, it clears out my sinuses" to breaking out into a chorus of "Somewhere over the Rainbow" on "Goin' Down," it's impossible to separate the truth from the fiction.  And that's where he really shone.  Blurred in the fog of reality and fantasy, built up to some kind of provable urban legend - that was the real ODB to me and countless others.

Here's proof.  Between RZA's Wu-Tang Manual, multiple album liner notes, interviews, rumors and even a first-hand account of my own, I carry a good collection of ODB stories with me in the chambers of my heart.  These are my favorites.  It almost doesn't matter which ones are true, because the more you know about him, the more believable they all are.  

I heard on tour he used to take couples back to whichever hotel where Wu-Tang was staying that night and he'd use RZA to keep the boyfriend distracted/occupied so Dirty could sneak the girlfriend in the other room and have sex with her.  A couple years ago, thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, a fan successfully secured the FBI file on ODB, which included a pending RICO case against Wu-Tang.  One story in the file involved a shootout with police in which Dirty was charged with illegal possession of body armor.  One of my friends told me he saw an interview with Dirty prank-calling one of his babymamas and telling her she wasn't getting any of his money, before hanging up and telling the camera crew "Yeah, I gots like 10 kids but I only really like about four of 'em."  He may have stolen a $10 folding table from a live show in Hawaii where concert footage from the famous "It's Yourz" video was filmed.  He was the first one to do what made Kanye famous - he heckled a Grammy winner onstage.  He even complained that he'd bought a new suit, expecting to win, but then lost.  Dirty infamously took a limo to cash his welfare check live on MTV, raising questions about welfare reform and celebrity culture purely by accident.  But the best story I ever heard was that he was walking down the street with some Wu-Tang fam and a few guys rolled up next to them in a van.  One of them stuck a shotgun out of the window and tried to rob ODB - who, without hesitating, grabbed the gun out of the guy's hands and turned it around on him, forcing the van to drive off.  If that happened to anybody else on earth, their head would likely have been blown off in the struggle, but Dirty was something else altogether.

In the words of RZA?  "There's only one Ol' Dirty.  The world couldn't handle another."

Russell Jones.  1968-2004